A while later, I heard a strange noise coming from the kitchen and wondered what could be happening! I slowly opened the oven door to find that the whole cake had blown up like a volcano everywhere. Oh the sight of burnt chocolate pudding splattered all over my previously spotless oven! Besides being quite humbled at the explosion of our dessert, I still had hopes of salvaging some of the outer edges for us to enjoy although they were a little crunchy. The cake was not very pretty, but since I really strive these days not to pass judgment on the outer appearance of things, I ignored the negative and focused on finding the positive. As I served the remaining portion of burnt cake to my kids, I assured them that it could’ve turned out far worse. No matter how much frosting or powdered sugar I smeared on the top of the cake to cover up the problem, it was still ruined. None of my efforts were going to solve the problem and I couldn’t pretend like it didn’t exist. Although I’m not a professional baker, I do know that our dessert disaster stemmed from my neglect to follow the recipe accurately. Frosting wasn’t the solution; I had to vow to follow the recipe more closely in my next baking adventure to ensure success.
Does this same type of scenario ever occur in other areas of our lives? Do we sometimes find ourselves in a mess and attempt to solve our problem by pretending it’s not there or by covering it up? The danger of ignoring conflicts is that if we don’t handle it biblically our Enemy will most definitely use it to cause destruction in our lives and the lives of others around us. Our motivation in every situation that comes into our lives should be to give honor, glory and praise to our God and unresolved conflict never pleases Him. I Corinthians 10:31 shows us clearly what our goal should always be, “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do ALL to the glory of God.” Although dealing with conflict is never pleasant, I’m thankful to have encountered many situations that God has used to help me realize the power of the truths He teaches in His Word. When I have a dilemma that extends beyond my baking catastrophes, I can never expect to truly resolve it unless I am committed to following God’s recipe for resolution which is clearly stated throughout Scripture.
There may be times when we feel we don’t even possess the proper skills or understanding to work through conflicts. Most of us haven’t had years of training in counseling and all of the ‘philosophies’ of how to deal with different kinds of conflict. Most of us don’t fully understand the methods and strategies of sociology and all of the disorders or syndromes our modern day psychology has claimed to uncover. BUT we can intimately and personally know the very One who created our hearts and minds in the first place. We have the privileged opportunity to possess a deep relationship with the ONLY One who totally understands the intricacies of the human brain and our entire body, soul and spirit. If God created us and knows everything about us then I’m certain He knows how to solve ALL of our problems. Our Father is omniscient and has a solution for every single problem in our lives if we would only follow His recipe. We’re told in 2 Peter 1:3, “As His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue.” The solution for every problem we have is found in His Awesome Living and Powerful Word.
Whether we encounter conflict with another person or it’s an issue we’re struggling with inside our own heart, there are biblical steps we can take to bring resolution:
1) Admit there is a problem. Ignoring it or refusing to discuss it does NOT make it disappear. Be open to the possibility that the problem may even lie with you.
2) Pray for God’s wisdom and guidance in getting to the root of the problem, whether it’s our own turmoil or issues with another person. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all liberally….” (James 1:5).
3) Don’t be a hypocrite! We need to humbly and thoroughly cleanse our own heart from harbored sin before we’re qualified to resolve conflict with another person. “Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:5
4) Once our heart is pure of unconfessed sin, we must go and humbly speak the truth in love in a spirit of gentleness to the person who has offended us or whom we have offended. Ephesians 4:15 says, “But speaking the truth in love…” Galatians 6:1 tells us, “Brothers, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness…”
5) If they do not desire to biblically bring about resolution, we can bring witnesses with us to try to plead with them to resolve the issue. Matthew 18:16, “But if he will not hear you, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.”
6) If we’ve been offended, it’s our responsibility to forgive our offender no matter what. This ensures that God will forgive our sin so we can live in freedom from the prison of destructive bitterness. Jesus says in Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
7) When we’ve done all we can do but the conflict remains unresolved, release the relationship to God and pray for Him to work in the other persons heart. Pray for God to bless them with a humble sensitive spirit. “Bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.” Luke 6:28
We can also get so wrapped up in the other person’s wrong responses toward us and how they’ve hurt us which is exactly what Satan’s goal is for us! If our enemy can distract us from the utmost goal of bringing God glory and honor in every situation, he has won the battle. We must remember that even if our offender does not respond correctly, it is our goal to make sure we’ve done everything possible on our part to make the situation right. Romans 12:18, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” I have also come to realize that even if I attempt to have a good relationship with everyone I know; it is a fact that not everyone will like me or care to have fellowship with me. There will be conflicts that may not ever get resolved. It all boils down to the fact that each of us will only be responsible to God for our own sin, not for someone else’s sin.
There were many years that I just ignored problems with others by trying to smooth things over which never brought lasting solutions. I also believed that if I just eliminated difficult people from my life it would solve all of my problems. I thought it would allow me to live a life of perfect bliss because I’d never have conflict again. The only problem was that I still had my own selfish sin nature to deal with. I was so prideful and wouldn’t take responsibility for what I did wrong and lived a life of inner turmoil and bitterness toward others. I’m thankful that God has humbled me and worked in my life over the past several years to allow me to clearly see the truth. I’ve also realized that God purposely allows us to encounter conflict so that we will learn, grow and mature from it, making it an opportunity to honor and glorify Him. Just like putting extra frosting on a cake won’t cover up a baking disaster, ignoring or glossing over problems in our lives won’t give us true lasting solutions.
Is there some hidden sin hindering your personal relationship with God right now? Are you having conflict with someone at this time in which you’ve previously enjoyed sweet fellowship with? We must realize that if the problem still exists, we haven’t truly dug down deep enough to uncover the nasty root cause. We can be sure that our Enemy will grip firmly to that root so that we will never get the problem solved. Satan then has full advantage to wreak havoc in our lives and the lives of others around us, bringing damage to God’s kingdom. Just like putting frosting on my hot fudge cake couldn’t cover up the fact that I didn’t follow the recipe, ignoring God’s clear recipe for conflict resolution will never heal a damaged relationship. It’s only when we mix in the ingredients of humility, confession, forgiveness and love that we can reach the point of biblical reconciliation and restoration. It is when we are finally committed to faithfully following God’s way of conflict resolution that we’ll be free to live in harmony and peace with God, ourselves and others.
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