CHRISTMAS NOSTALGIA

The older I get the earlier Christmas seems to appear every year and the more sentimental I become about Christmas past. My memories during the holidays are often whisked away to a time reminiscent of those cherished in old Norman Rockwell paintings when life was more simple and carefree.  I don’t have to look back too far however, to find some of the most precious memories of my life. It was the Christmas of 2002 and readers please beware, I cannot tell this story without shedding a few tears.

That Christmas was not extra special because of all the Christmas decorations, beautiful lavish gifts or gathering together with beloved family and friends.  In fact, that specific year we had no Christmas tree or any decorations at all.  We had no extravagant gifts and we were many, many hours away from any family or friends, however, the year 2002 will go down in history as one of the most precious Christmas memories of all time for me.

It all began when my husband lost his job and then felt called to be the Pastor of a small church in the foothills of the Ozarks in a small town in northern Arkansas.  Our house in Iowa hadn’t sold yet but to provide for our family my husband moved ahead of us to begin pastoring in August of 2002.  My husband had just had surgery for his broken hip at the beginning of December and was still on crutches. Because of working on packing up our home in Iowa to move, it was just before Christmas that I and our four small children were finally able to join him in the south. We moved into a small rental home with very little money, no furniture and not much food as we were waiting until New Year’s to receive our moving truck and most of our belongings from Iowa. 

We truly saw this as a time of faith building for our young family as we sought to use every need as an opportunity to pray with our children and ask God for His provision. Christmas was just days away and my husband and I knew we could not afford presents for our kids or be able to buy the food to have the kind of nice Christmas meal that we were all accustomed to.  We prayed and asked God for food for our Christmas meal and wood for our woodstove to keep us warm.

We watched in amazement and praised God as He faithfully answered our requests one at a time. We woke up one morning to piles and piles of wood for our stove that someone had anonymously dropped off and neatly stacked outside our door.  Sweet church members brought us some food and a little money, but knowing how much ham and turkey cost along with all of the "fixins" (an Arkansas term we learned well), the money we scrapped together still came up short for our special Christmas meal.

We kept praying with the kids and knew God would provide as He had always done before, but this time He chose to meet our needs in a very unexpected way.  On Christmas Eve, our children who were 11, 7, 5 and 3 years old all received Walmart gift cards from some family members back up North. We were especially happy and thankful for this because we had no Christmas gifts for them. Without us knowing, our oldest son took charge and gathered his two young sisters to begin scouring the grocery ads we had received in the mail.  They each picked out which food they especially wanted for Christmas dinner and Josiah got busy cutting out the coupons and making a grocery list.  Josiah, Elizabeth, Abigail and Andrew finally brought the list and coupons to show me what they had all decided on but I didn’t have the heart to tell him we would not have enough money to buy all of the food.  Our oldest son Josiah assured us that we did in fact have enough money because the kids had all agreed to use their Christmas gift cards to buy our special Christmas dinner. As I saw the genuine selfless expression of love from our kids, I was simply overcome with emotion.

To hear that our children would rather give their gift money to us to buy food instead of buying toys for themselves was overwhelming. What a blessing from God to have kids who were willing to sacrifice for the good of our whole family. They truly recognized that God was indeed providing money for our food through their own gifts they had received.  I sobbed as I thanked the children for their kind act of selflessness. We had fervently prayed and God had faithfully answered through such unexpected means. We had one of the nicest Christmas dinners ever that year served on a plastic patio table we brought in from outside.  Although we were away from all of our extended family and our familiar surroundings with no Christmas décor at all, God blessed us with so much more that year than we could have ever dreamed.

The most beautiful blessings of the Christmas of 2002 were those intangible gifts we received such as being reminded that God loves us more than we can ever comprehend and will answer our prayers in ways we could never dream of.  It was also so precious to realize that we did not need all of that “Christmas” stuff to truly enjoy the genuine meaning of Christmas anyway.   We could never have experienced this kind of Christmas if we had remained in the comfortable setting of our former life in Iowa.  God was showing us a special glimpse of His goodness through meeting our most basic needs.

On a much grander scale, that Christmas we grasped the concept that even though we didn’t have earthly gifts to give each other, were most thankful for the amazing gift that God had given to us.  He sent His only Son Jesus to save us all from our sin.  Jesus left heaven to be born on earth as a baby and willingly gave up His life, dying on the cross so we could have eternal life. All we have to do is believe in Him and confess our sins to be forgiven eternally.  I John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all our unrighteousness.”

I pray that as you may be rushing around in the hustle and bustle of this Christmas season, you will take the time to reflect on some of your own special nostalgic Christmas memories. You may not have that picturesque setting of a Norman Rockwell painting come to mind but I guarantee there are years of hidden treasures of blessings you may have even forgotten about that clearly shine bright with the goodness of God.  May you especially recognize the most Awesome gift of all this Christmas and join me in worshipping the One who was born and died so that we can truly live.  God bless you and Merry Christmas.

I JUST CANNOT DO IT!

Do you ever look at your circumstances in life and wonder how much more you can take?  Are there times when you’re totally convinced if one more stressful situation was placed on your spiritual plate that you’d surely roll up into fetal position in the corner and have a permanent unrecoverable meltdown?  Whether your everyday life circumstances are just plain hard or you’ve been enduring some kind of hardships, do you find yourself frequently muttering under your breath, “I just cannot do this!” or “I can’t handle this anymore!”

I have been right there with you and there have been days recently when I curled up on the couch, covered my head and cried and laughed and cried some more.  I’m sure my family will remember those emotional outbursts well, but hopefully they learned something through my unnecessary displays of despair.   When we cry out in anger or anguish proclaiming that we just can’t do it anymore, we are definitely right. That’s when God breathes a sigh of relief since He sees that we are finally getting on the right track!  Cracking under the stress of extreme trials has shown me that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to handle anything without the strength of God Himself.  And even though you think you might be wonder woman, I am here to unequivocally proclaim to you that You cannot do anything in your own strength and supernatural power is only a prayer away.

I certainly have been guilty of believing the lie that I can handle everything in my own strength.  In recent months, our family has gone through the refiner’s fire and just when we think we see the light at the end of the tunnel, the fire just seems to get hotter.  When it looked like one situation was being resolved, at times it would get worse or another trial would just take its place.  Sometimes the intensity of the flames nearly made me want to give up, shrivel up and burn up.  My strength was small because I thought I could endure all of these trials in my own and that’s where I was so wrong.  The Bible says that “If we faint in the day of adversity, our strength is small.” Proverbs 24:10

Of course, God knew all along that I had been mostly relying on myself and on rare occasion would call out to Him in desperation only when I had reached the end of my rope.  I thought I could handle it all on my own so God allowed me to stay in the heat longer. My Father wanted me to grasp the concept that His strength is made perfect in my weakness and I didn’t have to be stressed out and overwhelmed by all the pressures I was facing.  Our God wants us to remember what He told us in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” not our own version which says, “I can do all things in my own strength and will call on God when I get tired.”

When we refuse to rely on God as our refuge and strength and choose to try to handle things on our own because we think we can do a better job, our Father must sometimes keep us in the flame a little longer until we surrender our will to His.  I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I try to learn what God wants me to learn in a trial as soon as possible so that I can move on to the next lesson, but I still sometimes flunk the test.  Our constant prayer must be, “Jesus, please help me not have to repeat the same lessons over and over!  Help me to ask for your strength and grasp the truths you have for me to learn and not believe the lie that I have the power to do things on my own.”

-Maybe you have endured a long exhausting custody battle where officials do not seem to care about the safety of precious little children. 

-Maybe you have kids that would rather go their own way and follow the destructive road than to follow Christ to the abundant life. 

-Maybe you’ve been deeply betrayed by someone you thought cared about you.

- Maybe you paid some professionals tens of thousands of dollars and they cheated you and took off with all of your money without doing the work they agreed to do. 

-Maybe someone blatantly lied to you or about you in order to gain something from you. 

-Maybe you thought someone was your true friend but they left you just when you were hurting.

-Maybe you have experienced several car repairs over and over and you’re not sure how much more money you will be able to dish out.

Whatever the small "cross" we are called to carry, God is patiently waiting for us to give up the crazy notion that we are in control and that we can handle life on our own. Our loving Father never intended for us to endure trials in our own human frailty, He designed us to depend on His supernatural power to see us through the fire. God loves us and is constantly at work arranging each piece of the puzzle of our life to create a masterpiece through our trials and He wants us to testify of the power of His strength at work in us.  

We must remember that no matter what the circumstances of our life are, that there is nothing we cannot endure when we are depending on His strength instead of our own.   I assure you as my family has experienced the strength of the Lord standing with us during our trials, it is much easier and more joyful to trust in God instead of ourselves.  May you also echo the words found in 2 Timothy 4:17 during those times when you may be tempted to rely on your own strength.

TRUST HIS HEART

Have you ever prayed and prayed for something day after day and wondered why God doesn't seem to be answering?  If what we've been crying out to God for is exactly His will then what is the hold up?  Doesn't Matthew 21:22 tell us, "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive"?  Although we may have faith that God is powerful enough to bring about resolution to our seemingly impossible situation, it sometimes seems as if God's timing is off or maybe He has just forgotten about our prayers?  His schedule just doesn't match up with our agenda.

The days, weeks, months and even years may have passed since we first bowed our trembling knees before the throne of grace and petitioned for God's perfect and holy will in our heartbreaking situation.  Why, oh why does it sometimes seem like it's taking an eternity for God to grant us our simple request? After all, our Father could make all of our pain disappear in seconds with His spoken word so why doesn't He get busy and do so? 

I've been begging my heavenly infinitely wise Father for a resolution for our trial for more than 5 years now.  My heart has continually resided in agony as the pit in my stomach comes and goes like the wind.  I could be perfectly fine one minute and then a wave of grief overtakes my spirit and brings me to tears. There was a time when I cried myself to sleep every night.  In the darkness my tears would soak my pillow as I begged God to change our situation. The process of giving my fears over to God and proceeding to take control once again was a vicious cycle that simply needed to cease.


Over the years the excruciating pain in my gut has lessened slightly and sleep is no longer a problem.  Has God finally answered my cry and put an end to my heart wrenching pain?  My humble answer for those who ask is a soft, "Not completely." What has changed is not my circumstances, for I have finally learned to meditate on the promises of my faithful Father in  I Peter 5:7, which says, "Casting ALL your cares on Him for He cares for you." The constant despair that once plagued me has been replaced with hope and peace.  My God really does care for me and loves me more than I could ever imagine. He also loves those for whom I've been earnestly and fervently praying far more than I would ever be able to.

Because I am a child of the King who possesses only limited knowledge of the entire picture and in my pride I've been elevating myself above my sovereign Savior in believing that I know more than He does.  I couldn't possibly see any good that was resulting from this heartbreak until one day recently when God gave me some extra spiritual insight I had not seen before.

No, God has not miraculously resolved our situation and answered all of my prayers completely.  No, He has not spoken to me in a dream and revealed exactly when it is that He plans on bringing the entire resolution. The peace in my heart returned when I finally realized that sometimes God doesn't change things overnight, there are instances when our answers come in a gradual form. It is crucial for us to be aware of and thankful for those little blessings of answered prayer, even when stretched out over several years. After all, God has a purpose for every single little thing that He allows into our lives.

I have simply come to the realization that God is God and I must trust Him and His plans. "...Who works all things according to the counsel of His own will." (Ephesians 1:11) Although He loves and cares for my broken heart, He must weave together carefully every intricate detail of each situation in His own perfect time to accomplish and He "works all things together for our good and His glorify." (Romans 8:28) During this process of fitting every piece of the puzzle together exactly where it belongs to complete His purposes, our Father desires to receive ultimate praise and honor from All He has done.

Each person involved in this trial must learn exactly what God has planned for us to learn or our trial won't ever be over. So what could our loving Savior possibly desire for us to gain as we continue to wait on our prayers to be answered? He desires for us to experience His awesome attributes and come to the place where we surrender our selfish will and impatient timing to His sovereign will and ways. God tells us in Isaiah 55:8-9, "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts."

Sometimes we can't see God's complete plan, so we must learn to Trust His heart. We cannot ever trust in someone else's heart or even our own heart because it our heart is wicked and will lie to us and mislead us. Jeremiah warns us of trusting our own heart in Jeremiah 17:9, "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; who can know it?" 

I am sharing with you the touching lyrics to one of my favorite songs. The truths of these words have comforted me and reminded me of the importance of placing my trust in my sovereign Savior even when I don't understand His ways.

 Trust His Heart

All things work for our good
Though sometimes we can't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth

Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just can't see Him,
Remember you're never alone

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His Heart

He sees the master plan
He holds the future in His hand,
So don't live as those who have no hope,
All our hope is found in Him.

We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like Him

We must come to the realization that God's ultimate goal in suffering through our trials is for His children to trust His heart and become more like Jesus Christ.
-He knows exactly what to allow into our lives to accomplish His purposes in us.
-He knows exactly how long we must endure those difficulties to accomplish those purposes.
-He knows exactly when and how to calm the tumultuous storms in our lives.
-He desires for us to trust His heart until every detail has been finished in our hearts.
-He makes it possible to possess the peace that only He can give during our pain.  


We cannot allow ourselves to be paralyzed by our pain.  We must simply "Let Go" of our trial and leave it in the hands of the only One who can change our situation.  I do not understand but God does.  I do not know what the future holds, but God does.  I am not in control, but God is and I trust Him.  Are you willing to let go of the pain that at times disables you and learn what God is trying to teach you in the midst of your heartache?  Are you ready to be comforted by peace when you finally stop waiting for change and place your trust in God's heart?  When we don't see His plan, when we don't understand, when we can't trace His hand, TRUST His heart.