I Refuse To Fear!

I do admit that I have struggled with many areas of sin in my life, and just when I think one battle has been conquered, another one seems to begin.  I’ve never considered myself to be a fearful person, but over the last few weeks I’ve had a battle raging inside my heart.  To my surprise, God has been revealing to me that I actually do tend to doubt Him in some situations and neglect to always fully trust Him no matter what. There has been a spiritual conflict, a tug of war between gripping fear and total trust which has been consuming my mind and thoughts continually.

The Sovereign One continues to faithfully whisper, “Will you be anxious for the future or will you completely trust in Me to ‘work all things together for your good’ like I have promised?”  The choice is entirely mine.  I must decide for myself where I will place my dependence and whether or not I will place my confidence and hope in God for every single area of my life.   Will I choose to waiver in my faith which only leads to anxiety or will I come to the place of total reliance on the God who knows ALL?

The truth about fear is that it’s always based on a lie we choose to believe from our enemy.  If Satan can strike us with unrelenting fear and get us to focus on our anxiety, we will not concentrate on the truth.  The truth is found in the Awesome Words of Our God when He tells us in Isaiah 26:3, “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”  A dear friend of mine reminded me of this verse recently and it has comforted and encouraged me to keep my mind meditating on God and His Word.  Fear never brings peace to our soul.  Part of our Enemy’s strategic battle plan is to use our fears to disable us and keep us from exercising faith that God can and will accomplish the impossible in our lives.  Fear and anxiety only hold us captive but truth always allows us to live in freedom.

If we ‘say’ we love God and trust Him, then where in the world does all of this fear come from?  Many fears that we may have could stem from our childhood or experiences that we’ve gone through in the past.  Some people are frightened of rejection from others and are highly concerned about what others may think of us.  Some struggle with the possibility of total failure in the things we attempt to accomplish in this life.  Others may fear being left alone or even may be frightened of evil.  I do know from experience however that many people have anxiety about the unknown future.  There are hundreds of possible scenarios of terrible situations that we are afraid of that we often replay over again in our minds;  but no matter WHAT fear Satan tempts us with we must remember that God is not only our Creator, He is also our Sustainer.  Our Sustainer will ALWAYS take care of us and meet our every need.

Whatever our fears may be, it is a result of not believing the promises of God to take care of His children in a very special way.  Jesus tells His disciples in Matthew 6:26 & 33, “Behold the birds of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  You seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness: and ALL of these things will be added to you.”  When we choose not to believe what God has told us is truth and doubt Him, we are essentially calling God a liar.  The choice is ours, will we believe what Jesus said or will we choose to live in unbelief and be plagued and tormented by unnecessary and unsubstantiated fear? 
I’ve had to come to the point of making this important decision once again in these past few weeks.  Will I place my total dependence in the Sovereign One or will I live a life tortured by my fears? 

 Recently we have learned that due to many changes in my husband’s company, he will no longer have a job next month.  After ten years of hard work and service, he will not be employed in his current position and they are not promising to find another role for him to fill within the company.  When you hear this kind of news, Satan receives great satisfaction in seeing us being stricken by feelings of fear about our future.  It comes down to whether or not I will put my confidence in my husband’s good income to meet our financial needs or place my trust in the One who owns everything and whose resources are unlimited.

Oh how it surely grieves our sovereign Father when His children do not trust Him to provide for us in ALL things, both big and small!  You see, there is absolutely no one who loves us more than our heavenly Father loves His children.  Would we as parents desire to witness our own children crying and worrying about their future when our track record has shown that we’ve always taken great care of them?  Our deep love and concern for our sons and daughters should be proof that we would never abandon them or leave them to fend for themselves especially during times of great need. We are reminded of this truth in Hebrews 13:6, “…I will NEVER leave you or forsake you.”  Neither will our God ever desert His dear children particularly when He greatly desires to display His awesome and mighty power in our lives.

Once again, I’ve been taken to the spiritual wood shed.  I must admit that it’s never fun going there! The question is will I finally learn my lesson this time?  I’ve been broken once more before my God concerning this area of anxiety and fear.   No more tossing and turning every night!  No more lump in my throat or pit in the bottom of my stomach!  I will no longer allow Satan to have free reign to wreak havoc on my soul!  I have finally confessed my fears and anxieties about the future to Him.  In my mind, I realize that God is God and He already KNOWS that I fail to place my dependence on Him completely in EVERY area, but He desires me to humble myself at His feet and simply admit that I have sinned. I have shed many tears and sorrowed over my sin of being anxious in the past few weeks over the fact that I’ve been SO wrong to doubt my Creator.
 
We trust God completely for our salvation from an eternity of torment in Hell, but I can’t seem to rely on Him to handle our circumstances here on earth?  It makes no sense whatsoever to believe this lie!  And that’s exactly what it is, a lie from pit of Hell and authored by the Father of Lies himself.  I choose not to believe the lies anymore!  I will continue to quote the Truth of Scripture to replace the lies of my greatest enemy.   

 The key to freedom from worry, fear and anxiety is found clearly in Philippians 4:6-7, “Be anxious for NOTHING, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication, with THANKSGIVING, let your requests be made know to God;  and the PEACE of God which surpasses ALL understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”  A very wise friend of mine who's also been learning a lot about the sovereignty of God, assured me that she would be praying for us during this time.  She also asked me if we had thanked God yet for allowing Richard to lose His job which was a great reminder of these verses in Philippians.  Thanking God for allowing us to go through hard times may sound crazy to most people, but it is exactly the place where we must come to in order to possess peace in the storm.  We MUST thank God for what HE sovereignly allows to happen for our good, then God’s peace that we cannot even explain will surround and guard our hearts through those trials.

Is this concept of struggling with fear and anxiety totally foreign to you?  I hope so, but if you are anything like me, you must continually realize that God is on the throne and we must trust Him to work out our good for His glory in every situation. God does not want His children to waste on minute on worrying about anything, but rather desires for us to bring our concerns to Him.”  May we rest completely in the sovereign workings of our Holy God and trust Him to work the impossible in and through us no matter what our circumstances may be.

Does It Take 'Will Power' or God's Power?

Most people following my blog have read my very first post called “Saved from the Road to Destruction”.  It’s my story of how God radically changed my wicked heart after many years of inner rebellion.  More than 4 years ago I finally humbled myself and gave up the intense struggle to control my own life and let my Creator have the preeminence for the plans He has created me for.  Although I’ve been enjoying awesome freedom, peace and joy in my life like never before, I’ve continued to struggle with one area that I honestly believed was simply a matter of ‘willpower’.  To win this battle, I thought it was up to me to exercise self control with a few prayers sprinkled in along the way for good measure.  I have believed the Enemy’s lies which have kept me locked up in an emotional prison where I’ve been tortured by this looming problem that would never go away.  Oh how I’m thankful for God’s patience concerning my sin, but earlier this summer I came to a breaking point that has further altered the course of my life.  I don’t enjoy sobbing in front of people, so I’m thankful that none of you reading this post can witness the tears that stream down my face as I pour my heart out to you today.  My passion is for others to learn from the lessons God is teaching me so you can avoid needless suffering.

I’ve heard that the power of sin lies in the secrecy of it, so it’s now my desire to be transparent about the strongholds that have kept me from totally being who God wants me to be.  I’ve been enslaved to the limitations of being overweight for about 12 years.  All along I was hoping that maybe I had some medical problem such as a hormonal issue or possibly my thyroid was out of balance.  If I just had some sort of medical condition that prohibited me from losing weight I could explain my tremendous struggle.  After being checked out by a few physicians I discovered that all my efforts had been in vain!  Test after test came back that proved I was not suffering from any condition that would keep me from losing weight.  I then moved on to the theory that I just needed to muster up enough will power to stick to a healthy eating plan to lose those stubborn pounds.  My goal for losing weight was not even so that I could wear 60% more of the clothes in my closet.  My motivation is much more important than having more variety in my wardrobe.

Lately I been witnessing the truth that James talks about in James 4:14, “…For what is your life?  It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.”  I’m now more desperate to live this life God’s given me to the fullest and accomplish whatever He has called me to do with NO regret.  I realize that I need to be healthier and be able to serve the Lord better and longer.  Please know that I am in no way even implying that anyone who is overweight like me is in sin because God makes us all different colors, shapes and sizes and we can all be used for His honor and glory regardless of any of those factors.  The key to success and blessing in this life is for each of us is to simply pray and ask God to reveal His will and for us to humble ourselves and be sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit in areas He wants us to change. None of us are perfect, but we must constantly be reaching for the goal of becoming more like Christ and be willing to allow God to transform us in every single area.

Let’s just say that I will always refer to the summer of 2013 as another instance when God lovingly ‘kicked me in the seat of my spiritual pants’.  I willingly admit that these strongholds regarding my weight were not easily loosened at first.  I’ve been blinded for 12 years by Satan’s lies to try to get me to hold onto the sin so I would never be free.  Our Enemy also works in any way he can to derail us from accomplishing ALL God has for us to do and therefore miss out on blessings He has for us.  The Holy Spirit began to get my attention through a book we’ve been going through in our adult Bible Study class which is called, “Follow Me “by David Platt.  As I listened to the video of the author who is also a Pastor, I became greatly convicted that it was about time I yielded my ‘will power’ to God’s ‘Almighty power’ that could truly change me to the core.  I learned that our God has created a craving in each of us and has designed those cravings we have to ONLY be fulfilled by Him.

As I listened to the author speak further, I thought about all of the cravings I’ve had over the years which were mostly concerning sugar, chocolate, and just comforting foods in general.  I finally realized that I had lots of cravings, but I was trying to fulfill those longings with food instead of God.  I’ve also learned through this study that we can “live for the fleeting pleasures of this world, OR we can live for the everlasting pleasures in God.  ONLY God is able to bring infinite joy and satisfaction in our life and anything other than God is simply a CHEAP imitation that ONLY brings guilt!”  If there were ever a “poster child” for suffering from a guilty soul, it would be me.  I could totally relate to these truths I was learning because for years I had tried to meet my emotional needs with food.  I’m a homeschooling mom of 5 and on those extra challenging stressful days, I felt I ‘deserved’ to satisfy my cravings for comfort food to help me cope; so shouldn’t I be able to treat myself all of the time?  Isn’t this the exact philosophy of the world as it teaches us through all of those chocolate and fast food commercials?  Let me clearly state the fact that chocolate or yummy food is NOT evil.  Those things are ONLY wrong when we substitute them in an effort to satisfy our cravings and comfort us when our needs are ONLY able to be truly satisfied by our Creator.  I’ve also learned that if we are delighting in anything other than our God and relying on the things of this world to satisfy our longings, then we are being blinded and will never experience true freedom and the joy that Christ intends for us. 

The day when the Holy Spirit began to convict me about this sin, I was visibly in turmoil all day as God continued to work on me.   I could not sleep well at all that night and kept praying for God to show me what I needed to do to get rid of the struggle inside me.  In the morning I woke up and got on my knees and read the verses in Psalm 51 where King David humbled himself and was broken before God over his sin of adultery.  As I sobbed I read these verses back to God:
(Psalms 51:1-4, 10-12)  “Have mercy on me, O God, According to Your loving kindness; According to the multitude of Your tender mercies, Blot out my transgressions.  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin.  I acknowledge my transgressions,  And my sin is ever before me.  Against You, You only have I sinned and done this evil in Your sight- that You may be found just when you speak, And blameless when You judge.”  (Vs. 10-12)  “Create in me a clean heart O God, And renew a right spirit within me.  Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the JOY of Your salvation, And uphold me with Your generous Spirit.”
I finally begged forgiveness from God for replacing the cravings HE has given me with cheap worldly imitations and asked for transformation in my heart and life.  I immediately felt the heavy weight of sin lifted off me and knew that the power of God had taken all of those longings away.  I John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness.”  No matter who we are or what we’ve done, and no matter how long we may have done it, when we confess our sin to God the slate is wiped completely clean by Him.  I am overjoyed to also note that since the heaviness of my “spiritual weight” was lifted off of me that day through confession of craving the wrong things, I have also lost almost 30 pounds of “physical weight”.  This is the beginning and I’m trusting in God’s power to enable me to lose the rest of the weight slowly over time.     

If you’re depending on your own “will power” to change any area of your life, I promise that you will not see permanent results.  As with all things, band aids do not heal, you must get to the “root” of the problem to find true and lasting victory.  Galatians 5:24 tells us, “And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”   We no longer have to be slaves to our sin as it states in Romans 6:6, “Knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin.”  Just as we would never expect a heart surgeon to operate on someone’s brain to fix a heart condition, we cannot expect to overcome a spiritual problem we’re struggling with by using the ‘will power’ of our mind.  God never designed our intellect to cleanse our heart from sin.  We must humbly yield our will to God’s, see our sin how God sees it and confess it for our heart condition to be healed.  Our solution lies in allowing God to transform our desires into His desires, and to crave Him instead of cheap imitations.

Do you have an area of your life where you know you have been craving, longing after or worshipping something other than God?  If you’re like me, you may have struggles you’ve dealt with for years and you’re still trying to muster up enough ‘will power’ to conquer them?  You may need to finally give up on your ‘will power’ and be yielded and willing to allow God’s ‘Almighty power’ to take control of your heart instead of those other things you’ve been craving.  It’s through humility of heart, brokenness of spirit and admission and confession of our wrong cravings that will allow us to draw on our God’s awesome power to overcome strongholds in our lives.  May you then experience to true joy that David talks about in Psalm 51:12, “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me with Your generous Spirit.”   Only God can do that kind of transformation, no will power needed!