Confessions Of A Former Shopaholic

Recently my kids and I decided to tackle the huge task of cleaning out our storage room.  I’d been successfully procrastinating this monumental chore for months but because we had accepted an offer for the sale of our home I could no longer put it off.  The thought of loading up all of those totes and moving them to yet another house seriously made me want to sit in a corner and cry.  We are by no means pack rats, for with each move over the past several years we’ve continued to weed through and get rid of many possessions that we no longer needed.  I guess I had prided myself on the fact that I had already purged our home of most of the materialistic remains from my days as a shopaholic.   Apparently since I had given away numerous boxes full of clothing with tags still on them a few years ago, I had fooled myself into believing that I had the right to hold on to just a few extra home décor items.  As I began looking through all of those totes and boxes, I was surprised to discover 38 pillar candles, 26 votive candles, 15 decorative wreaths, 8 totes full of fall décor (although, my favorite season), 10 boxes of fabric and trim, 7 totes filled with Christmas decor, 4 totes of silk and dried flowers, 3 totes containing dining room curtains that I’d made for different seasons and several extra lampshades in case I decided to change out our homes color schemes.

 Overwhelmed and confused, with tears in my eyes, I desperately cried out loud, “What insane person bought all of this stuff!?”  One of my daughters smiled and wisely told me that I’d get my answer if I would only look in the mirror.  Although I do appreciate her sassy sweetness and honesty, I’m still trying to figure out where she inherited her spunky personality from (hmmm?).  Of course my question was rhetorical, I knew that I'd been solely responsible for purchasing every single one of those decorative items. Although I’m a thrifty shopper, what’s really alarming to me is at the time I bought them I believed with all my heart I “needed” them.  For some reason, I always felt the need to be ready for any decorating emergency that would ever arise at home or at church.

Please know that I’m not in any way condemning people for decorating their homes.  It’s important for us to make our homes an inviting, cozy, comfortable refuge for our family and to extend hospitality to others and serve them; however, this sentiment can be taken to an extreme. “Extreme” is a colorful yet kind way of describing myself in my former years labeled as a “shopaholic”.  I was consumed with every little detail of decorating to the point where I was painting some new color in my home almost every week because I was never content.  I guess that I was out to find that one paint color that would meet all of my needs and could give me the peace that I’d been searching for.  In reality my discontentment was not with the paint colors I was choosing, but with the inner sinful condition of my heart in trying to meet my needs with everything else besides the only One who could fulfill me.

My former shopaholic confessions do not stop there!  Home décor was not my only obsession.  Along with the desperate need I felt to make my home look perfect, was the distorted view I had of myself and my appearance.  Clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, make up, and hair products were very important to me as well.  A few years ago, my separate walk in closet was so stuffed full of clothes, shoes, purses and jewelry to the point where I couldn’t even shut the door! Most clothes hung there for months with store tags on them. I would not leave the house without wearing all of my jewelry and would never be caught dead carrying an inexpensive purse.  Only the top designer brands would do because I was so consumed with what other people thought of me.  This sad reality is completely embarrassing and difficult for me to comprehend now when my family reminds me of how things used to be.  I was so unhappy with myself that I dyed my hair a different color every week to where some people at church didn’t even recognize me at times. I had to have tan skin, whether real or fake and I couldn’t go a day without my fake French manicured nails.  I'm not saying that it's wrong to want to look nice or have nice things, but if that is your consuming focus and you put those desires above your relationship with God, it is sin.

Okay, let’s pause right here so I can address all of those people who are now feeling sorry for my husband.  My husband traveled and worked lots of hours because someone needed to pay for all of those material possessions.  I didn’t feel like he could ever meet all my needs so I thought buying material items would fill the void in my heart and make me complete.  In one aspect I was totally right, no wife should ever think that her husband should be responsible or even has the ability to meet all of her needs.  A person can ONLY be fulfilled and complete through a deep relationship with our loving heavenly Father who knows us better than anyone else ever could.  My heart and mind were so blinded to the truth because of believing way too many of Satan’s lies!

Our enemy is seeking our destruction, in John 10:10 we are warned about Satan and his intentions for us, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy”.  When we adopt the world’s belief system about materialism and relationships instead of clinging to the Truth of God’s Word, we are only headed for heartache and pain.  Once we buy into Satan’s lies in our minds, reality seems to become a little blurry and we begin to make some very wrong choices.  Those wrong choices that we “think” are going to meet our needs never can and we are only left with our guilt from doing wrong.  Once we’ve believed the lie and acted on the lie, we are then left to deal with the guilt of our disobedience.  There are only two choices to make with our guilt, we either confess the sin, or choose to tuck it away and harbor it in our heart and allow it to fester and grow which causes more destruction.  I knew down deep inside that the choices I was making were in disobedience to God and I’m extremely thankful that He humbled me to the point where I finally saw my sin for the ugliness that it was.  It was when I became a humble beggar before God that I confessed my sin of materialism in every area and finally discovered that inner peace that has drastically changed my life.

 Only a pure heart before God can allow us to possess that joy, peace, freedom and contentment we all so desperately long for.  Being a shopaholic seems harmless, but no matter how minute our sin problem may seem, we have to realize that we are seeking to fill a void with material things that only God can fill, which is idolatry.  Our fulfillment ONLY comes when we have a pure heart cleansed from our sin, and are being used by God to accomplish His purpose for creating us.  Oh how I mourn over the fact that I could’ve used God’s money and my time in a much better way to serve others and not just myself.

  No mall shopping experience will ever meet our deepest hopes and desires.  No outfit, designer purse, jewelry or home décor items have the ability to grant us peace and joy. Peace never comes from owning any material possession, it can only come from God.  I finally realized that when we are craving anything other than a deep relationship with our Creator, we are grasping to satisfy an appetite that will only leave us hungry every single time.   Even though we must face the fact that shopping is an unavoidable necessity in this world, our true heart condition will be clearly evident in how we shop, why we shop, where we shop, how often we shop, what we buy and how much of God’s money we spend while shopping. Matthew 6:21 explains a very important truth that each of us must grasp in order to enjoy an abundant life on this earth, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”  What we put importance on and value clearly shows the condition of our heart. I now understand why the most contented people in this life are those who lay up treasures in heaven and are not consumed and entrapped by the material things of this world. 

Do you struggle like I did for so long with being consumed about what other people think of you, your outward appearance and the things you own ?  Have you been trusting in superficial material possessions to fill the void that only God can fill?  I pray that this transparent glimpse into my former way of life and heart condition will help others see their need to change as well.